Help me I'm poor

So I reached an all time low this week, a low I had never reached before. I had no money not a penny. A particularly low point was when I had to spend my very last pound on, for want of a better word, feminine products, and having a budget of a pound it had to the basic range, not a comfortable experience.


To avoid getting scurvy from too much pesto pasta in the row, I had to either steal or sell. Seeing as my slight of hand wasn't brilliant, and what with my nails in a colourful state as I compete to have the most creative talons with my friends flat, I wouldn't be the most inconspicuous robber. So selling it was and ebay became my new best friend.

(mine was nowhere near as deluxe as this, the pasta to pesto ratio was shocking... I can't even look at it)

The problem with having no money is that you have a totally shite camera and no one wants to buy your junk if you cant even take a half decent photo. 


Oh what can a girl do, 17 days to go and I've got a grand total of one present for my mother and there's not looking like there's gonna be any more so the rest of the fam might have to share her very non universal present. I've got a good mind to march down to bunker and demand that they reimburse me any money they stole off me for jager bombs when I was unconsciously propped against the bar with a certain friend of mines (who's name begins with A and ends in Y) moves my limbs for me.

Whilst all this is going on everyone in my house and a lot of others around me stay out of the red and are quite happily skipping about in the green. How, how, how do they do this? I tried to think about the similarities that me and my poorest friend have and the similarities that my more affluent friends have. And then ping it hit me the way a penny hits the bottom of a piggy bank, we are single, they are not.


Now I'm not talking about every relationship here but I'm beginning to notice that boyfriends give their girlfriends 'pocket money.' Now they don't always call it pocket money, oh no they are sneakier than that. They'll just casually pay for drinks, or dinner, or petrol or a whole night out, or even a tesco shop! I would have given my right arm for a tesco shop! How is this fair? I'm just as nice as everyone else and I'm certainly much poorer so if they're gonna give their money away surely it should be to the needy and lonely and pathetic specimens like me?

(this isn't me)

It turns out being poorer than a church micey does have its perks. It encourages a much more creative side to your life. I've cooked up some pretty interesting things in the kitchen by desperately typing random ingredients into google and hoping to find some loony who has created a recipe from them before. They weren't always brilliant but they sure were creative!

(church mice, if you hadn't guessed, though I'm a single church mouse and probably not as well dressed)

With my l'argent petit (sounds more glamorous in french) I have began to appreciate the more modest things in life. The only thing I have the finances to do is take the bus (thanks to my hefty £300 yearly pass) so nowadays (or this week) I am quite content just going round and round on the bus. I also really look forward to and enjoy talking to my mother more than I ever have (I'm wondering if this is because so little happens in my week so that my day revolves around speaking to her, don't get me wrong mum, I love speaking to you just even more so in these challenging times.)


I have also been able to bring out the best in all of my friends as their generous sides peeked, one welsh companion of mine even offered to treat me to a curry.You  see I just want to make you better people really, so feel free to donate away!


So after that heart whelming and beautifully moral speech on how I could quite happily live a life along side the old Dalai Lama with not a penny in tow, demonstrating my appreciation for the things in life that are free, am I deserving enough of my bursary now?