Bed, Bath and Beyond

I’ve always been a one for a good night’s sleep and a decent pair of pyjamas to accompany it. Now I’m no sleeping beauty, I know what a state I am in the morning and friends amusing photos of me sleeping have not proved me otherwise. But I am also equally aware of other people’s state in bed. I have witnessed countless friends cracking out ankle swinging pjs that Mr. Cowell would be ever so proud of.  So when it comes to bed, bath and beyond what is good bed etiquette, or bed-tiquette?

I can recall countless occasions when I have arose from my ‘beauty sleep’ only to be told by some smart aleck that I look a state or worse, ill. Now I know that I’m no Grace Kelly or SJP when it comes to sleepwear but I don’t consider myself the worst dressed person in bed. My pyjama collection extends to the likes of Jack Wills and Paul Frank for God’s sake! But the ultimate question I keep having to ask is ‘why does it matter?’ Surely when it comes to sleepwear comfort is the top trump?

(What Carrie wore to bed in SATC 2, from left to right- Vintage Calvin Klein, Curve, Balmain and Calvin Klein, The Lake and Stars.)

(From left to right: Carine Gilson, Odette Barsa, Yigal Azourel and Eres, vintage.)

I suppose there is the question of having the company of a male in bed (which I do not, meaning I can look like Oscar the grouch and there aint gonna be no complaints) but surely there would be no point in decent pjs if they’re gonna be coming off anyway? This brings me to the equally bamboozling subject of underwear.

I have been living life somewhat singular for a while now but yet I still have a repetitive urge to buy myself gloriously frilly panties and bras that wouldn’t look out of place in Dita Von Teese’s wardrobe. Why is this? Who am I trying to impress exactly? Has underwear become more than simply a staple wardrobe piece designed to keep you from looking droopy? Has it become a staple in a way that it completes the outfit, makes a woman feel good and exciting and daring and sexy?

(Dita)

I say this but I do so enjoy my granny pants days! I tend to wear really gorgeous underwear on special occasions, which is bizarre seeing as it is probably least likely that anyone will be seeing my underwear at a gay wedding or my nana’s funeral (at least you would hope so.)

I suppose underwear and sleepwear have different rules for different occasions and social circumstances. Gok Wan could probably write a half decent book about it that we would then find marked half off in WHSmith a little after Easter but here are some basic underwear rules:

1.      1.  Good underwear connotes good experience (if you get my drift) so don’t go promoting yourself wearing La Perla if in reality you’re more George at Asda.

2.      2.  Fancy underwear can really frighten a man. Especially if he’s ill-experienced, he will think you have high expectations, (you very well may do but you don’t want him to think that.)

3.     3.  Your mum is never ever NEVER going to buy you sexy underwear, she doesn’t see you as anything other as her beautiful un-spoilt daughter, so don’t wait around until Christmas for a new set of under wear to show off in front of your man unless his taste extends to the likes of Wonder Woman and Paddington Bear pants.

4.      4.  It’s ok not to own all matching underwear. For one it means an annoying amount of washing and a hefty underwear bill (there’s no point spending £36 on the matching bra when you only needed the pants) and two, the bras that match granny pants are HIDEOUS.

5.      5.  It’s ok to own pretty underwear if you’re single.

6.      6.  The only time it’s REALLY important to wear nice sleepwear is if you’re staying in a really posh hotel, you don’t want to be visiting the ice machine for your late night diet coke in your too short 6 years old Mini Boden PJs (yes I’ve been there.)

And that’s pretty much it (well there are several more rules but I’m not being paid like Gok Wan so I can’t be bothered to write them!) For now I might just take a leaf out of my male friend’s book and wear nothing but a pair of boxers to bed, then people would really have something to complain about.