Boys or Butlers?

So this is like one of those awkward situations where you casually haven't spoken to a close friend for months, not because you hate them but because you're a very busy very glamorous bee and then you bump into them and its a bit like 'oooo awk sitch' and you have to make the decision whether to acknowledge the fact that you have been out of the picture for months or whether to just pretend nothings happened.


Well I am going to be the grown up in this situation and admit to my mistakes and recognise the fact that yes there has been no Fashion Nerd for 3 weeks and I will apologise (as I do every week) for my absence. As always, I do have an excuse, I was off in wonderful London at first pretending to be the obnoxious rich kid we all hate, then I had a presentation, then 2 film packages, a critical appraisal, a work book and then a holiday in Wales (not quite Chelsea darling) and this week although I have been frantically applying for work placements and doing essay plans and here I am begging you lot for forgiveness (well not begging rather, assuming you'll still give us a read.)

(My mood since returning from London, 'don't care how, I want it now!')

Anyway, speaking of London, which I love to do and have been boring EVERYONE with my constant London verbal diarrhoea. I was accompanied by my wonderful pal who as well as being lovely and Welsh and was wonderful company, also provided me with a blog idea. As we strolled through Hyde Park she suddenly announced to me,


"Imagine if I just turned round to you now and said 'I hate you, I hate everything about you, I don't know why I ever bothered spending time with you, you just piss me off so much, I don't want to see you EVER again!"


I, of course, was slightly perplexed and slightly worried as to why this thought might have entered one of my best friends heads. But then after we both agreed this would be absolutely devastating for us both and, because we were hungover, acted out what our reactions might be she said;


"Well we say stuff like that to our boyfriends all the time and it really doesn't matter, cause you can say what you want to 'em and they just don't give a shit really." (Imagine all that in a welsh accent.)

(heartbreaking but we put our boyfs through it most days)

When she said 'our boyfriends' she was obviously forgetting that I am as single as a singleton who's eaten loads of sour cream and chive pringles then stood under the mistletoe. But that's beside the point, the point is she's incredibly right. Some of my most upsetting fights have been when me and a girlfriend have fallen out, I've cried far more over them than any boy.


 But it also took me back to when I actually was in a relationship and one of my favourite things was to just abuse him. I loved the fact that I could shout and scream at him like a banshee and he would just sit there and then 2 hours later we'd watch midsomer murders together (his choice not mine.) But I know I'm not the only one, my trendy friend once told her boyfriend, on a night out, that he was pathetic and she 'never wanted to see his ugly little face again.' The very next day they could have been Will and Kate themselves (she'll appreciate that comparison.)

(Pretty sure Kate just told Wills she never wanted to see his ugly little face again)

The more I think about it the more I realise the real motives of wanting a boyfriend. In the breaks between filming our news package me and my other fringey single pal would discuss our want for a relationship and our reasons for wanting them. They consisted of the following reasons:
-They don't have a choice about going to things with us, e.g. the new twilight film has just come out and all your friends have vetoed then boyfriend has to go.
-Someone to take you out to dinner.
-Someone to do your washing up if they come and stay.
-Someone to present you with random bunches of flowers.
-Someone to come and stay if your home alone.
-Someone to be at your beckon call if you're bored.
-Someone to have a massive argument with and it not matter.

(I don't understand how men find it hard to succeed with women, this is the one simple requirement)

See the evidence is quite clear, I, we, want a relationship purely for abusing purposes. Even in marriage, my mother would kick off big time if my father did not present her with a cup of coffee in bed every morning and quite right too. Last summer when I was presented with glee tickets and had a two night stay up in London (sigh) it would have been fantastically easy and simple if I had a boyfriend to force to come with me, but after months of begging and pleading I resulted to actually paying my very poor best friend to come with me.


So yeah, that's my new criteria for a boyfriend, someone who looks like they could be easily manipulated and maybe who I like a little bit and don't find too annoying, but annoying enough so that I have a reason to shout at them.


My mum just thinks I should get a butler.


Also I wrote this yesterday, that's how prepared I was this week, next week fashion theme of some sort.