So what with it being November time, it's that time of year when for some unknown reason, rather selfishly, everyone I know decides to have their birthday all at once. This will also happen again in February, which is why it sometimes makes me happy that I'm single and don't have to buy any poor doting boy a box of over priced liquor chocolates (and let's be honest other than your aunt Babs does anyone really like those? Might I add I don't have an aunt Babs.)
I was in Cardiff last weekend celebrating one of my homies bdays (aren't I in with the kids.) She laid several dresses out on the bed, "which should I wear? I really like this one but I don't want to look too dressy."
Excuse me? Isn't a birthday the one time of year you can get away with wearing whatever you want? Isn't it the one time of year everyone actually expects you to look like a stuck up hoe bag who wears ball gowns to their local pub (not trying to suggest she looked like a stuck up hoe bag.) I mean I wore feathers on my last birthday, FEATHERS! What sort pretencions moron wears feathers on a night out?
(An image of me entering my last birthday, just kidding, the My Super Sweet 16 kids know how to do pretencious moron.)
I have another birthday weekend coming up tomorrow (see I told you, selfish), her name has been mentioned in previous blogs but I'm not gonna mention it again, people might get jealous. And it seems to me that birthdays come with a certain amount of stress and not just for the guests like me who are counting the last few pennies and Canadian coins they have found down the side of the sofa, but for the birthday girl too. Tomorrows birthday girl was expressing many anxieties on what she should wear and how she was going to afford anything.
So maybe it's not as simple as 'wear what you want'? When it comes to birthdays, what to wear and what not to wear?
Thinking back to my own birthday (as painful as that is) I could only recommend to perhaps not wear your very favourite outfit, yes you might look Divine at the beginning of the evening but by the time any photos are taken you could quite happily fit into the cast of fraggle rock. I'm pretty sure that my aim was to go out in a dress not a scrumpled up top version of my dress with my knickers on show. I also probably didn't intend to go out wearing not just mine but everyone else's drinks, a flashing birthday boy badge (belonging to my male flatmate) a face that Medusa would be proud of, and a temporary Chanel neck tattoo that looks like scabies.
(I wish I had looked as composed as this)
But then if you can't dress up on your birthday when can you dress up? I would say a wedding but at my most recent gay wedding after a little too much cava I was in a very similar state. My best advice would be to plan ahead. Wear something you are really pleased with, that you know you look absolutely gorgeous in, but you also know is pretty fail safe, don't do feathers, do not wear feathers! And of course wear the most ridiculously , over the top, disgustingly big and bright birthday badge you can find, then everyone has to be nice to you. Pretty sure that even though I was looking like Medusa people were acting like I was Angelina Jolie.
Now when it comes to birthday guests there are rules too. It's like showing up to a wedding dressed in white, it is key not to outshine the birthday girl or guy. At my friend's Cardiff birthday, after she had had her hair curled I made sure no one else did so that her hair could not be up staged or out curled. Now I'm not saying you have to dress like a complete minger, just make a special effort to make sure ALL of the attention is on them, IE say things like 'it's her birthday buy her a drink!' they'll appreciate that.
(remember be nice, no matter how obnoxious they get)
What they won't appreciate is if you turn up at the club, for their 20th birthday the only remaining guest still wearing a gold party hat, and when people ask if it's your birthday you say yes, consequently getting the entire smoking area to sing happy birthday to you and not your friend. Yes, they don't love you for that.
Ultimately, if it is your birthday you shouldn't have read this blog, because I don't want to have caused you any further stress, yikes, should have put this at the beginning really.
One last piece of advice, don't bother with that joint birthday lark, because ultimately your 'friend' you're sharing your birthday with is ether gonna prettier than you or have more friends and you're just gonna wind up depressed. And let's face it no one wants to share their birthday!
Happy Birthday November babies
No mention of what to wear if you are over 20, or even going to be 47 next week! Shame on you, ignoring the middle aged mums!
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