I don't wanna here any complaints though thanks, I can promise you all that I am out of my slump now and have been contributing to other blogs, going to work, the gym (I know can you believe it?) and covering my car in decorations for yesterdays annual carnival, so I have been preoccupied by every day issues.
Now with it being the Olympics and me being a regular gym go-er and all (regular being once a week at a push) I thought it was about time that fashion nerd produced some kind of sports wear post. I have been avoiding it for the last two and a half years because although I understand that sports wear is a necessity in most people's lives and sometimes even a choice, I really honestly cannot stand the stuff, nor understand it. I refuse to spend money on trainers so I have been wearing my converse to the gym. Did you know that trainers cost like upwards of £60 and you have to actually enter sports direct to purchase them?
(Absolutely unforgivably gross)
However after 20 years of avoiding any kind of physical exercise, my sudden (Usein) bolt of enthusiasm means that I have to start wearing, sports wear, dun dun dunnn! And having avoiding any physical exercise since leaving P.E. behind me it does mean unfortunately having to spend some of my hard earned cash on keeping JJB afloat.
I'm not vacuous enough to actually believe that I am going to look red carpet ready on a treadmill, my face might go a red carpet shade though. However I refuse to believe that Lycra is the only way to go when it comes getting your sweat on. I am prepared to do the leg work (literally) and find myself something that doesn't resemble a Star Trek uniform to wear.
(Definitely seen someone jogging in this)
I can't help but feel like I could be on a hiding to nothing considering the fact that team GB had Stella McCartney tailor making their sports wear and yet they still look like a bunch of goons (especially in the opening ceremony, I mean gold lame hoods, really Stella are we in Blazing Squad?) So if one of my very favourite designers can't produce a half decent looking piece of kit what chance do I stand at Sweaty Betty? And that's at a push that's pricey P.E. kit that Betty is.
(90's boy band or what?)
Despite my complete and utter loathing of sports gear, (and I'm pretty sure the rest of the female population shares this loathing, I mean who actually enters a JJB without wearing a balaclava to hide their identity?) the fashion industry, season after season, tries to convince me that sports gear is somehow the thing to be wearing. Frankly I'd rather wear a pubic hair jacket. Surely it's a clever ruse concocted by the government to enforce us obese Brits into sport by only providing gym kits to wear, because honestly why else send it down the catwalk?
(Not feeling it Rag and Bone)
Maybe I need to look at it all a bit more objectively. After all I spend hours of my life tirelessly reading fashion magazines cover to cover, scrolling through blog posts, pinning and repinning up and coming trends on pinterest, and sportswear is one of those trends that seems to be sticking. I embrace all other trends regardless of just how hideous some of them can appear to be (who can forget wearing fake glasses for the entire summer of 2009.) And my advice is always 'don't look at a piece of clothing and think about whether you like it or not but whether it will look good on you, something you like can look awful on you where as something that looks great you will learn to love.'
I guess it all comes back to bad P.E. experiences in primary school, getting picked last, kids laughing at my wobbly legs when I ran, getting to the front of the line at rounders then just walking straight to the back again (yes violins out please) I mean if you hate Peter Andre your not gonna want a t-shirt with his face on it even if it is the trendiest thing on the planet (which it is.)
(Cannot be real)
This little self analogy has not bought me any closer to discovering a way of wearing something nice to the gym, I might just give up and wear my ball gown or just not go. There must be one aspect of sports wear that I like (feel like I'm in a mediation meeting and am having to think up a compliment for someone I hate) think Martha think! SWEATSHIRTS! I love a sweatshirt, I spent much of my trip to New York hunting down a Knicks sweatshirt and failing miserably. There is something of a Lana Del Rey, gangster-ironic cool about wearing a sweatshirt.
(I want one so bad)
This is a very big step, a piece of sportswear that I do not loathe. To sum up there are a few things that the stylish sportsmen can do to keep their gym kit on the upbeat. Listed below.
1. Keep it personal
There is no reason why a little bit of you can't make it's way into your wardrobe. If you like girly things invest in a pair of the Liberty for Nike trainers. You're a designer gal (with a bit o' spare cash) get yourself some Chanel dumbbells. You don't have to wear a lime green Lycra vest just because that's what they wear in the Powerade ads.
(Pretty and punchy)
2. Blast from the past
Save yourself a bomb by taking a trip to rokit.co.uk and nab yourself some sports gear from the only era when it looked any good, the 80's. Quirky American sports logos offer that cheer leader bounce and enthusiasm that we all could do with on the air stepper.
(Cute, huh?)
3. Accessories!
The only aspect of the Olympic kit I admire is the gold chains athletes tend to live in. Ghetto gold works wonders with sports wear, whether it's a big ol' pair of creole earrings or a name necklace just add a stick of bubble gum and you got yourself easy-breezy-edgy-suburban-aloof-chic in no time.
(On the money)
4. Stick it to the man
Don't be dictated to by the major sports chains. You don't actually need to wear a sweat absorbing, aerodynamic super vest if all you're gonna be doing is 10 minutes on the exercise bike. Your ordinary t-shirt is not gonna catch fire.
5. Don't wear your pyjamas
I know that no one actually wears pyjamas to the gym but you know what I mean. So many people make the biggest effort to look their very worst, it's like you're trying your very hardest to look ugly. Stick that 'I heart Christmas 1999' top back in the draw buddy!
6. Look elsewhere
If you are neurotic enough to buy actual sportswear do me a favour and don't visit the high street chains (JJB, Sports Direct, blah blah blah.) Oysho, Zara's sister store, does nice jazzy little sports numbers that just fit the bill and at a very reasonable price. (oysho.com)
(Oysho)
So there you are, a comprehensive guide to sports wear from the girl who doesn't know how to use a treadmill. I wouldn't listen to me either.
Happy Olympics everyone, see ya in four years!
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