So I spent this morning dolling myself up, completely humiliating myself in front of my father by sitting in my room and talking into my computer filming my own Jenna Marbles spoof. But unfortunately my computer decided I wasn't as funny as I think I am and is refusing to let me edit any more than 7 seconds of video. I'm hoping that some day this blog will go up so I won't tell you all the hysterical ins and outs of of my completely degrading video et al.
So in light of all this, when I was deciding after another knock back this week, whether I was going to sit miserably in my house, (like Spongebob when he has vacation at the Krusty Krab, such a funny episode), or whether I was going to man up and get on with my blog I decided to blog about how to make yourself feel better when things don't go your way.
(Alice is proof that crying is not the best way to get over a situation)
Right so your computer has crashed or you've cheated on your boyfriend or your dogs lost a leg? Whatever it is this will sort you out. What you definitely don't want to be doing is googling crappy magazine advice that will tell you to go for a run, or go to counselling. Don't do that. That will make you feel about a million times worse because you will be out of breath and out of money paying for some big toothed snobby councillor lady. Here's what no one tells you will make you feel better but definitely maybe will.
I have also used only Disney images throughout this blog because it was an accident at first but then I realised we can learn a good few life lessons from old Walt. Plus the pictures are so whimsical they're bound to cheer even the grumpiest grump up.
1. Get Drunk
OK, so this is the obvious one. If you're feeling shit then the get out of jail free card is usually this one because you'll be so blind gone that you don't know your own name let alone the fact that just broke up with your boyfriend. Also if you're getting drunk you're probably going out and if you're going out then you're probably looking pretty damn fine and attracting all kinds of lovely suitors (or ageing toothless married men.) And the next day you will be so ashamed of whatever huge mistake you made whilst you were drunk that you won't care about what you were upset about to begin with.
RISKS AND SIDE EFFECTS: Being drunk can often cause emotions to run wild and you could end up A:mouthing off to whoever your situation may concern, B: feeling worse about your current situation which can lead to running mascara therefore not attracting potential suitors (apart from perhaps the really hard core ones.)
(and I'm sure she felt much better about being banished for the woods for eternity after that)
2. Be Angry
I have found this method really works. Like for example just then when my blog just blew up in my face I could have been totally miserable quit Martha Thursday forever and sulked for days and days. But instead I wanted to show my blog a thing or two so decided to write this cracking little post. If you're sad about something it will play on your mind and make it worse. Where as if you're angry it forces you to do something about it. I have always felt much better after an argument if I have filled someones squash bottle with salt or hacked their facebook account.
RISKS AND SIDE AFFECTS: Don't let your anger turn to violence, no one's going to be getting over anything if you can't have a lie detector test on Jezza K because your relationship's too violent. And equally don't channel your anger into the wrong people. Don't cause further arguments by telling your mum her lasagna sucks because your annoyed with your lecturer.
(See if Simba hadn't been so angry that Scar had killed Mufasa, then he would have never had defeated him. I know we're getting pretty obscure now)
3. Go to Disney Land
This is a totally fail safe way of making yourself feel better. The collection of whimsical characters will either completely lift your spirits or send you into an angry haze by the sickening display of childhood charm in which case you will have achieved the above step to feeling better. Just join with your fellow brethren and sing the gospel 'it's a small world after all' and watch your troubles melt away.
RISKS AND SIDE AFFECTS: A trip to Disney land is not the cheapest way to cheer yourself up, and you could wind up feeling a little more depressed once all the happy mickey hype is over and you've racked up a huge debt. Yes that Indiana Jones Mickey Mouse stuffed toy is simply Divine but he's not going to help pay your electricity bill.
(See, just looking at this makes me feel like I've had a hefty dose of Xanax)
4.Get a Pet
Sometimes it can feel like there is no one there. And you go out of your way to listen to completely ridiculous over the top sad songs that the Verve wrote about real tragedies like their father's death and you apply it to the fact that Tesco ran out of milk, or you handed in your coursework a day late. Soon enough you'll snap out of it because you saw that really sad advert on the telly about the kids in Africa and it will put your silly little problem into perspective. But until then you're gonna want some unconditional love. Now usually experts would say go to your Mother for this but she can be even crueler than the rest of the world when it comes to being honest because she's been there before. So get a dog, a cat, a hamster, a rabbit whatever just something you can cry away to and who won't give a toss about the fact you pawned your Grandma's wig for a can of special brew, just so long as you give em' a baby bell (don't give your rabbit a baby bell.)
RISKS AND SIDE AFFECTS: You have to be super sure you actually want the responsibility of a small animal in your life. I have a friend who bought a bunny because she was hungover, luckily she is a sensible caring girl who took care of her rabbit. But if my brother had done that I'm pretty sure that rabbit would be on that RSPCA urgent appeal ad as we speak.
(See Flounder is always there with identical and sympathetic emotions, maybe I should get a fish next?)
5. Pray for it to Snow
Snow is God's way of saying, 'she sure needs a break.' Snow is the ultimate excuse to do absolutely bugger all. What better way to avoid a deadline or an awkward situation than blaming the unstoppable force of nature. You can sit in and eat canned food (though that's just any day of the week for one of my flat mates) watching New Girl and Gossip Girl or any program that features a girl you fancy a little bit who's gonna make you feel even more sorry for yourself.
RISKS AND SIDE AFFECTS: Does what it says on the tin, you are avoiding the situation. The problem won't melt away with the snow.
(You think that Mickey's smiling because of the snow? uh uh, him and Minnie had a spat last night after she caught him kissing Daisy at Donald's house party. He's just pleased he doesn't have to deal with it today.)
6. Kiss Someone
This works threefold.
1. You kiss someone so lovely that you feel so happy and in love and protected and cared for that all your troubles seem so far away.
2.You kiss someone Just My Luck styley. For those of you who haven't seen the film old Li-Lo is super super lucky and she kisses someone super duper unlucky and they switch luck. (That is literally it so don't bother watching the movie it is as bad as it sounds.) So there you go, kiss a lottery winner and your luck is bound to change.
3. You kiss someone vile, I'm talking absolutely wretched, looks like the Gruffalo's brother. You will feel supremely more attractive after that slippery experience.
RISK AND SIDE AFFECTS: Don't kiss ANYONE you know, lets not open up that can of worms, far more trouble than its worth. Don't kiss anyone in a relationship, you will end up with some unhealthy bruising.
(Look at Belle, she kissed a right minger and look how well things turned out for her.)
7. Blog
And finally we have the ultimate way of feeling better, venting. A problem shared is a problem halved, and if your blogging to the whole online community you've halved your problem precisely 10,000,000 times. I don't think there's a problem any more.
RISKS AND SIDE AFFECTS: Be very careful what you say. I once wrote a blog talking about one person I don't even speak to anymore and about 5 different people I do still speak to thought I was talking about them. People get paranoid so you have been warned.
OK so that was the very late and completely improvised edition of this weeks Martha Thursday. I'm thinking of calling my whole blog Martha Thursday now, rather than fashion nerd, because I don't write about fashion all that often anymore, what do you think? (Not expecting a response you never respond just bulking out the end of the blog really.)
Anyway, I hope this week is a better week for everyone, I know quite a few faces that weren't smiling last week. But February is finally here so stop drip drip dropping those little January showers and put on a sunny grin! (Gosh how lame was that? Wait is it lame to say lame?)
You could always just go to your mama for a big cuddle, homemade food and getting your laundry done! Don't change the name, I like it! X
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