27th December

I might explode. I need to just lie in a dark room with a bin bag over my head with Enya playing in the background because if I even begin to think about how much work I have to do I am just going to burst into tears. Though if I am going to lie down anywhere it may as well be in Claridges with a glass of champagne with some commoner rubbing my feet with gold dust.

‘Why Martha are you writing an absolutely unnecessary blog that about six people will read then?’ you might ask. Well because my thought process is currently a little like this…

‘You’re in third year! THIRD YEAR! Why are you playing Hobbit Monopoly? Who is Bilbo Baggins anyway? Where did that monopoly £500 go? Come to think of it where did your real money go? I should really start paying off that endless overdraft if I’m going to have any chance of saving up for a deposit when I have to buy a house next year. I should apply for a job to go with that house. I should write more blogs otherwise my CV will look like Lindsay Lohan wrote it’

(It's just fun for all the family, and a real thing!)

And there you go, also it gives me a reason to chortle away to myself and distract myself from my 3,500-word essay and another essay and an exam. I also decided it must be time for a blog when my uncle by marriage yesterday asked if I was still blogging, as he hadn’t read one for a while.

As you may know it was Christmas two days ago (unless you are Kim off Eastenders, my life now revolves around that program) and yesterday was Boxing Day and today is 27^th December and so begins my blog.

27^th of December is actually pants and I’m sure you will all agree. It is the day when Christmas officially ends; Boxing Day is all right because you can convince yourself that it is an extension of Christmas day. At that stage it is still acceptable to drink before lunch and eat an entire Kinder Santa without judgment, you wear your new things, you know, new pants new jewelry, jumper whatever you were given and you feel all good abut yourself because you make small talk with your nana.

But now it is 27^th, it is a nothing day. Nothing happens, it has actually no purpose (at this stage I wish to apologise if it is yours and/or a family members birthday/wedding/funeral.) The majority of us don’t have school/work/college/uni/community service. It is officially the day of the Christmas come down. You are left without the excuse to eat and drink and instead just the horrible realization that you are now fat, so fat that you are probably entitled to Maternity leave. It isn’t just 27^th it’s all those in-between days that lead up to new years where all you have left to do is think about where you’ve failed in the year so that you can come up with some kind of new years resolution so that you don’t look like an arrogant prick when you say you don’t have one. ‘I don’t have a new years resolution’ translates as ‘I think I am absolutely perfect.’

(Is she actually joking me? Last time I looked that thin I was seven)

 Right about now I am expecting you to be overdosing on Rennie Soft Chew tablets, so to keep you optimistic here are a few ways you can get through those in-between days.

1.    Sales

I wouldn’t attempt this myself, as all I have left to my name is monopoly money, but it is a nice distraction. If you order online it gives you something to look forward to in the post and something to unwrap if you have POWS (that’s Present Opening Withdrawal Syndrome.) Though by the time you’re not hung-over enough to actually go sales shopping you can probably only expect to find some yellow speedos, festive.

(Is there a problem Selfridges can't solve?)

2.    Start a new project

I am lucky enough to have essays to keep me occupied but if you’re not so lucky why not get ahead of yourself and start your new years resolution early? It will give you something to focus on rather than eating like Miss Piggy up until new years day. This is assuming you all have the same resolution, to lose weight, everyone does. It also means that you can allow yourself a hung-over food day on new years day as you’ve made up for it earlier in the week.

3.    Party on

Who said celebrations are over? If you have the time off work and that Gaelic Cream leftover from last years raffle crack it open! Think of this period of time as another mini advent, count down those days till new year in style with a mince pie in hand and an unawareness of your surroundings.

(Oooh, I do love me a glass of Irish Meadow)

4.    Give yourself something to look forward to

My mother always says the secret to a happy life is having something to look forward to. In my case this is an exam on urban culture, don’t have something to look forward to? Book something! Anything! I here the Holiday Inns in Coventry are reasonably priced this time of year.

5.    Plan for New Year

Stop moping about in your house waiting for someone to call or an invitation to slip through the post, stop refreshing your Facebook homepage in a desperate hope you’ll be invited to a ghastly house party where the group photo is a cartoon beer. Make your own new years plans, book a meal, record some documentary on sky plus, go from door to door finding someone to kiss at midnight whatever takes your fancy. You have to make things happen for you girlfriend.

(Never ever go to a party where this is the chosen image to represent it. Thanks for your help realglitter.com)

6.    Reminisce

Give yourself something to look back on. We spend these last days of the year praying for 1^st January to hurry the bloody hell up so that we can stop living in the dregs of this year. This will only result in the whole of next year being forgotten on January 1^st 2014. Enjoy basking in the memories of this great year; I’m sure you had a great one. Think of everything you achieved, where you went, who you met, what you wore. I’m not suggesting you do anything as miserable as writing a list but perhaps reminisce over a bottle (or box) of Jacobs Creek. If you don’t have such good memories bask in someone else’s or just in the bottle of wine.

There you are 6 reasons to enjoy these days. I know 6 isn’t as conventional as maybe 5 or 10 reasons but I was too inept to come up with 10. This is starting to make me realize that these days really are pants as I was hard pressed to come up with 6 reasons.

Happy New Year everyone and I should say a Merry Christmas too having banged on about keeping the Christmas spirit alive!

If all else fails, Hobbit monopoly is your best bet.