Stylish?

So I'm in a really good mood. 'How unusual' you must be thinking as it is not often that this sceptic blogger starts off a post on a positive note. But I have just received my first piece of fan mail. Well it's not fan mail really, but just a lovely comment on one of my posts that has given me every incentive to write this post (even if it is 3 days late) so thank you, you know who you are.

Now back to the usual so don't get too comfy kids.

Thursday of next is Valentines day and I am off to meet up with the love of my life, London, for an exotic and intoxicating affair with Fashion Week. I see you there rolling your eyes 'here she goes', yes here I go, I am so unbelievably excited for LFW (yep we're using initials now) and I am afraid that I am going to be going on about it for months to come.

However, going to London Fashion Week comes with the obvious mind numbing problem of what an earth is one to wear? Last season was my first season and I thought that it would be enough simply to own a KENZO sweater but somehow I still didn't end up in any street style photos because well, I just wasn't stylish enough. Little did I know that during LFW the definition of 'style' changes into something along the lines of....

(Wow, I feel inadequate)

I managed to fulfil the role of 'intern's first Fashion Week' perfectly (I still cringe at the fact that I wore Converse for two days!) It is right about now that I am lay in a great big pile of my hideous crumpled clothes comatosed by the fact that I am just not stylish enough for Fashion Week. But what is style? How does one determine what's stylish.

I always thought that style=designer+layering², in other words I thought that having a designer bag and wearing layers of beautiful clothes that went well together would be enough. ER-ERRR, you're wrong as you can plainly see by the examples of Street Style I have given above. 

Plus my fail safe plan of wearing a KENZO sweater forever more has gone to pot as H&M have done a fakey version. I am slightly heart broken as now I'm just the jerk who paid full price. 

So after hours of analysis of street style blogs I have compiled some tips on how to be stylish during Fashion Week. I hope they work because I am banking on them to get me into ELLE Collections.

1. More is More
Coco Chanel once said 'Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off', follow this to a T until Fashion Week when it becomes bull to the s**t (sorry Coco.) Less is more does not really work at Fashion Week. It's the one time you are permitted to wear every single item of jewellery you own and for it to be called ground-breaking rather than mirror-breaking.

(Anna Dello Russo championing more is more- if she's not a style icon then who is?)

2. Layers
Layers do come into play but not the way you would usually wear them i.e, wearing a thermal vest? Not layering. A classic stylish layering method is to pile on as many coats as possible as it makes you look richer, classier you name it. Though don't take the tube as you'll most likely pass out due to heat exhaustion. You could also opt for layers of bags, carry two clutches or swing several cross-body bags on. It gives the idea that you're so well known, designers send you enough bags for you to wear two at once when the reality is you spent the last of your overdraft on ebay. 

(See, it just looks expensive)

3. Statement pieces
Street style photographers will always make a bee line for a really dramatic brooch or a statement necklace, they like to use it in their editorials called 'details'. If you've got a fabulous look-at-me necklace on then it will carry the rest of your outfit. This means that it doesn't matter as much if you dropped that secret sausage roll down your front whilst you were eating it round the back of Somerset House, whilst everyone else ate sushi. It works in the same way as a dependable boyfriend when you're smashed: it doesn't matter how awful you look the statement piece will always hold you up, you can depend on it.

(You'd never notice a spaghetti stain on that beast)

4. Death shoes 
I learnt very early on in Fashion Week that flats are just not acceptable. There are a few exceptions, such as if you have the latest designs from Charlotte Olympia or Jimmy Choo but otherwise you will be shunned (especially if you wear dirty Converse, Lord above!) Problem is that the British Fashion Council obviously have a very sick sense of humour because Somerset House is entirely cobbled. What's worse than wearing flats? Lying flat on your face that's what.

(I've got these in five different colours)

5. Tailoring
This is like the trick of the trade, a way of wearing high street without anyone really realising. Tailoring always looks expensive and you know why? Because the high street don't really do it. You see any good tailoring out there? You grab it, asos does it best and cheapest. (This section isn't funny, I couldn't think of any tailoring jokes, tailoring isn't funny, it's very serious like the girl below)

(Too cool for school)

6. Clown face
During Fashion Week you need to have yourself a full face of make up. I'm not talking Essex face, they won't like that, no I'm on about glitter, sequins and bright blue eye shadow. This may be a shock to my Bristolian system but it's what goes down in the city. Think Boy George rather than Kim Kardashian. It's just scary enough to grab everyones attention.

(Stella Katterman is a trooper when it comes to Fashion Week beauty)

And there you are, I've stuck to my usual six pieces of advice, I know it's odd but there are always six! Reading back over it I have pretty much told you to take style tips from your favourite drag queen and in a way I think it's a glorious thing! I remember when I was stopped by a street style photographer (any excuse to get that one in) and he said 'it's great isn't it, Fashion Week? It's when everyone looks their most crazy.'

I was, at first, a little offended, but he is right and how liberating to look absolutely mental and for once in the year and for that to be the look that everyone is aspiring to. It's like all the uncool kids at school are getting their own back (I am ranting because I was clearly one of those kids.)

Before I go back to lie in my pile of clothes, a few don'ts for fashion week:
- Don't wear a really obvious high street piece that's all over the pages of Look magazine, it may be lovely but you'll see it on everyone.
-Don't wear fake designer that's like the fashion worlds circle of shame that they do in Heat.
-And don't mistake Christine Bleakley for Elle Macpherson, believe me you'll never live it down.

If all else fails cut your hair into a bob and wear dark sunglasses at all times, hopefully you'll be mistaken for Anna Wintour who's gained a few hundred pounds.

Over and out!