Forgive me Lagerfeld for I have sinned

So this week has been an expensive week. I'm the kind of girl who will literally spend money at any excuse. My mum gave me like a couple of hundred quid last week because I'm so delightful and I was acting like I had won £45 million jackpot. It's nearly gone. I was paying for other people's taxis, other peoples jager bombs, which is a true shocker for me because I hold on to my own jager bombs like they're my new born child coated in gold dust.  And you know like when you go to the kebabby and you're counting out your coppers to afford a small chips. No not me, I went to yo yo burger (for those none Bristolians this is the equivalent to burger king) and actually bought so much that I qualified for free chips.


So anyway this all came about because my trendy friend had her group of other trendy friends down to stay and that of course meant spending £80 on two nights out and acting like it was Christmas or my birthday (which is in 6 days.) One of these lovely friends wore a gorgeous borderie anglaise white dress and I thought she looked truly Divine. But apparently a little too Divine, previous comments she had received were 'virgin' and 'frigid.'

(Spring/ Summer 2012 collection of lady like dresses, apologies for the huge gap, computers are silly. Clockwise from top left, Alexander Mcqueen, Chanel, Derek Lam, Jil Sander, Louis Vuitton and Ralph Lauren.)

These were of course boy comments (see blog post The man the myth and the shirt dress for more detail.) But on my hysterical shopping spree, I had come across some rather innocent looking outfits. Topshop was teaming with white and even the grungy Urban Outfitters was brimming with lace and knee length skirts. But whats funnier is that I really wanted them.


At the age of 17 I would have rather have worn a bin bag than a knee length skirt, fair enough, at times I looked like Josie Jump on acid when but still. So why would we want to wear outfits that encourage every man and woman alive to presume we are as about as sexually active as a habit wearing teddy bear?

(See what I mean?)

When I was 17, I wore skirts that Jodie Marsh would have framed because I wanted to make people think I was cooler and edgier and sluttier and more vile than I actually was. Truth is I used to (and still do) rush home to watch My Parents are Aliens and spent about 50% of my pocket money on cross stitch supplies. And if any real boy had approached me I think I would have actually cried.

(Typical weekend outfit)

This led me to thinking that maybe I have spent my whole life dressing as something I'm not. When I was 17 I dressed like Joan Collins. And now that I am near enough Joan's age, and actually am a smutty (don't wanna describe myself as slutty) shabby, tramp I'm trying to cover it up by dressing like Princess Ann or Snow White everyday.


When celebrities have spent all their money buying their friends giant robot rabbits or have blown up their livers after doing too many superior jager bombs they go to rehab. Does the same work in the fashion world? Because I spent too many months of my life wearing tights with brick walls printed on them does that now mean I will be spending the next few years trying to recompense that by wearing completely neutral and typically pretty, blank canvas clothing? Am I trying to make up for past fashion sins?


It's like I've had a substance abuse problem. In my case being hideous patterned tights paired with denim skirts. And now I'm having to send myself away to the fashion nunnery in order to pay for my sins. Maybe the fashion houses are aware of our previous fashion hangovers, maybe its just a coincidence or perhaps it is just trendy and wonderfully flattering to wear a lot of white in a beautifully innocent way? All I know is that I'm embracing this second chance trend as if I was Madonna herself (the saint not the sinner, I mean singer.)

(Madonna definitely not embracing the trend)

I am definitely being something I'm not though. I don't think I would go down too well with members of the Clergy. Also I don't know what to tell you about Crucifix jewellery. I wear it in a kind of rebellious ironic way, like the way urban outfitters intended, but maybe that's just what they want me to think.


Anyway that about wraps it up really. Can't promise you that I'm gonna be terribly prompt with my next entry, seeing as I am in Leeds all this week and then IT'S MY BIRTHDAY ON SATURDAY!


Also don't know why on the last post its telling you to go to a Kylie Minogue site, I don't want you to do that.


Over and out kids.