A very stylish dictatorship

Flicking through ELLE last night I saw the most perverse thing, so perverse I actually performed a double take. A pair of (pause to gag) Crocs! What on earth? These hideous plastic garden shoes are in my magazine? My bible?! Pause for thought, usually I take absolutely everything ELLE says to me as gospel, I wouldn't dare argue with what they're saying because surely they're the experts, ELLE is our fashion leader...

(ELLE July 2011- can you Adam and Eve it?)

Then it hit me, is this an industry or a dictatorship? If anyone else was enforcing the law on us as much as the fashion industry enforces its fashion law of order on us we'd call them a dictator and send 'our boys' out to shoot them down. We never listened to Hitler so why do we kowtow continuously to the fashion industry's rule of right and wrong and no room for middle ground, when it comes to style. Surely they've made some blips? Are there some cases when the fashion industry should just shut the f**k up?

(Are you kidding me? Illamasqua make up advert- ASOS May 2011)

I can actually think of whole designer houses in which their clothes are extremely questionable but I have found myself defending them by claiming that fashion is a form of art. Oh come onnnn! Clothes are for wearing not for making some vegan statement. But yet I constantly defend these designers like some poor loyal girl friend who's had these ideas knocked into her.

(Margiela's repeat ridiculous creations.)

 Is fashion therefore some kind of propaganda? With magazines telling us this 'is the new look' 'summer ESSENTIAL.' 

(Look of the week- if ya wanna be looking stupid.)

Much to my further heart break I realised that the fashion industry is not only selling us these ridiculous items we don't need but they are also selling it to us for extortionate prices. Like the much slated fruit print that appeared in Prada and Stella Mccartney this spring costing hundreds of pounds. 

(Famously slated by the Guardian, the not so worshipped fruit dress- Stella Mccartney)

Are there situations when the fashion industry are just taking us for mugs? selling us hideous conceptions that are gonna cost us an arm and a leg. Like the famously un-trendy idea of sandals and socks that has flown down the runway this summer, are these designers just laughing at us behind our backs?

I think it's very much a case of don't always believe what you read. Crocs will ALWAYS be hideous no matter how comfy they are, visors should be kept on the Williams sisters and the fruit print is a big no no. Just because they're wearing it in Paris does not make it stylish (if anyone ever met my French exchange they'd understand, she looked like Dobby on acid.)


In any case my darlings, Dior always gets it right.

A weighty issue

About a month ago I had to face my worst of fears (not talking about my visit to monkey world though that was equally terrifying!) I had to face the scales. Stepping onto to the scales is never fun but least of all when you have just returned home from uni having knowingly abused your body with Sainsbury’s basic vodka, Sainsbury’s basic onion rings (clearly need to avoid Sainsbury’s) as well as countless hangover cures that usually involve breaded items and cheese...

Anyways as expected I have somewhat ballooned since coming back from uni, and it seems that the dreaded diet is on the cards. I missed the boat at New Year and summers always such a fun time to diet don’t you agree? What with all the ice creams and BBQ’s on offer, blegh disgusting and so easy to avoid... It also requires me to crash diet slightly so that I can look slightly less Fern Britton and slightly more Fern Cotton in a bikini.

People are continuously asking me what my goal weight is, and to be honest I don’t know! My goal is to look somewhat more like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, how much does she weigh? This got me to thinking what is the ideal weight? Is there some sort of common ground we should all be aiming for? And even if I did, by some mad miracle end up with Miss Whiteley’s weight I wouldn’t have her face or boobs. So when it comes to dieting are we just kidding ourselves?

(my goal weight... literally fat chance)

I was enjoying my favourite past time of watching Jezza K (as you can tell I have an extremely active lifestyle and it’s a total mystery why I’ve put on so much weight.) Anyway an advert came on for slimming world or weight watchers or something like that, and these women came on holding giant effigies of their former, over weight selves and then strut down some random runway parading their new thinner selves. These women make me sick, I’m sorry Karen from Essex but you did not lose 8 stone in 4 months you must have some kind of eating disorder or a brilliant surgeon or something? Sometimes I’m convinced that they’re not the same person.

Its times like this I would reach for some sort of comfort food but oh do I prefer the taste of marmite rice cakes, all the fun of eating a pillow without the feathers. So....(crunch crunch crunch)....(swallow) is there any occasion when putting on weight is a benefit? Now I’m not stating the obvious that of some anorexic teen suddenly gains 3 stone and looks normal again, no I’m asking whether there has ever been an occasion when an average weighing person has gained weight and looked better for it?

(Dawn French revealing her weight loss earlier this year, though I reckon she looked better before, her face looks very saggy and wrinkled!)

A friend recently began weight watchers. She has never had any need to lose any weight before and in my opinion doesnt need to lose any now. My mum even remarked how beautiful she was looking and I think the word ‘womanly’ was used. So what’s the matter with us girls? Why do we have this constant need to maintain our weight? Guys actually aim to put on weight to improve how they look and we spend our whole lives ordering Caesar salads so that we don’t put on a few pounds? If we knew how many calories were in drink we would probably steer clear of that too and then no one would have any fun!

As it is after this rant I’m still going to, as I do with many of my blogs, stick to my original idea and stick to my diet, but I have put on more than a few pounds, also you know it must be bad when your own mum tells you you need to diet. Besides it gives me more excuses to visit yo sushi though I do need to bear in mind that just because it’s frozen yogurt rather than ice cream does not mean you can eat the whole tub...

To end the blog to all of you suffering from the diet blues here are some actually yummy things you can still eat!

-Ben and Jerry's

OK so not the full on ice cream but certainly the frozen yogurt! You can't tell its not the real thing and it's seriously low in fat! They come in Phish Food, Chocolate Fudge Brownie, Cherry Garcia, strawberry cheesecake and half baked so look out for them next time your crying over the ice cream counter at the vue!

-Sushi

You don't want to miss on meals out? not a problem, sushi is one of those super foods and so long as you don't order anything fried you'll be just peachy.

-Marks and Sparks

If your going to be watching your weight for a while there's no better place than M&S. Their fuller for longer range is actually really yummy and does what it says on the tin.

-Recipease

Get creative, my favourite stop snacking, sugar craving diet snack is banana and peanut butter and that was formed in a moment of desperation when only sugar would do. Slice up banana and spread with peanut butter little bites of heaven!


-Trust the experts
Sometimes the only option is the diet option. When it comes to weight watchers foods some are better than others, my favourite things are the caramel wafers (at just one point each!) and the carrot cake (get the round ones not the bars, the icing is very yummy.) Want chocolate? Try Slimfast's chocolate caramel treat, their perfectly respectable take on a mars bar.

In a Brighton state of mind

Brighton is one of those places where you can just be. There’s something for everyone even they won’t admit it. You can be fat, thin, gay, straight or just totally socially inept and no one will care because you can pass off insanity as a cool mood swing or attitude adjustment.

Anyway as if you hadn’t previously guessed Martha Thursday spent the majority of last week enjoying the delights of Brighton and spotting some super duper shops and other reasons for you lot to take a trip to the shining, shameless and a little bit sexy-shabby seaside resort.

COS

Oh em gee and this sickening teenage saying is entirely appropriate because that’s what I was in this shop, a sickening teenager. Oh the unknown joys of COS clothing!! The reason I was being such a sickening teenager was because I was picking up every item of clothing in store with absolutely no intention of buying it, I thought one particular assistant lady was going to bat me around the head with a coat hanger. Anyways, COS is all about easy happy clothing, you know easy breezy effortless- ‘Here I am world, don’t I look great but I don’t make any effort.’ The structured tailoring and waxy cotton shirts that go on here are just delicious. If you see any one in a really nice piece of high street clothing but you just can’t place where its from, it’s COS, the ikea, non-offensive clothing brand.

(COS east street Brighton)

                                                        

Irregular Choice

Totally terry already a huge fan of this brand so I’m gonna be awfully biased. These just make your feet look so pretty and so different, it’s like if you were looking to do a bit of feet flirting you would wear these babies. But what I love about the shop in Brighton is that it is not the same high street  copies you find in every Schuh they also sell unique pieces not available in any schuh baby. I have to be supervised in that shop because I could quite easily come out with some of their more ridiculous creations. Stilts anyone?

(Irregular Choice, Brighton.)

(my many irregular choice purchases.)

Choccywoccydoodah

Not joking this is the name of the shop. Now this ain’t no thortons, you have to be serious about your chocolate if you’re gonna play in this shop. Those in the know will know what i’m talking about here. Life size sculptures of Jack Russels, Will and Kate and even some S&M for those more daring chocolate lovers. It’s a little bit pricier than your average freddo frog with the minimum chocolate purchase being £10 but surely we can spare the cash? So what if Kate has Will, who needs him, we’ve got him in chocolate form, all the looks minus the bad father in law.

(Will and Kate in chocolate form.)

Cyber Candy

Brighton certainly bought out my sweet tooth. We spent a total of twenty minutes in this shop and a total of £42 which, for sweeties, is a little excessive. This shop is like the world food section in tesco but about a thousand times more exciting. Featuring the most curious sweets and chocolates from around the globe. Cookie dough bites, bacon flavour chewing gum, ice cream flavour oreos, Freddo frog becomes a koala Bear Etc. Sugar rush is an understatement.

(some of cyber candy's finest collection.)

(and we complained when freddos went up to 15p!)

(where our £42 went)

There were all sorts of other gorgeous glorious attractions and sights in Brighton but I was so busy enjoying them I didn’t get any pictures (well done.) So here are some more delicious miscellaneous finds minus the Martha Thursday description, enjoy, and if you have a few minutes pop and see them yourself.

(an opticians)

(a shop's changing room I occupied, you can just see me peeking out in the corner!)

(not your average book shop.)

(angel food bakery, mmmmm.)

(Ted Baker's ceiling display of upside down crockery.)

(Pylones-shiny happy home wears.)