Mad Hatters

It had to be done, fashion nerd’s Royal Wedding blog is here.

However rather than homing in on the obvious, Kate’s dress (which I have to say as beautiful, dainty and glorious as it was I would never have guessed it to be a McQueen?! Didn’t quite have that cutting edge chaos you expect from a McQueen piece); I have decided to take a look at the slightly ostentatious head wear that flooded Westminster abbey.

What is it about the upper class Jack Willsey type and a special occasion? It’s like questionable straw head wear just gravitates towards them!  But with a vast amount of the congregation looking as though  a recently deceased seagull has landed on their head, how do you do a hat? You won’t often find them looking through Vogue, so with no stylists advice it’s no wonder people get it so wrong when it comes to being thrown to the lions, sorry, milliners. (This is exactly why I turned down my invitation.)

So what makes a successful hat? Well the problems with the hats at the wedding were they were either too  nampy pampy, what-your-gran-would-wear boring or hideously, gag-make-you-throw-up over the top. Need I mention Princess Beatrice who’s picture frame perched precariously on her head seemed to be missing a picture (for first female in line to the thrown she’s hardly fashion royalty.)  or Princess Eugenie who’s hat remarkably resembled the back end of a peacock.

(The ugly sisters, Beatrice in Valentino and Philip Treacy, Eugenie in Vivienne Westwood.)

So who managed to solve the impossible and successfully wear a hat? And how, oh how did they do it???!!!!

Although I have a huge dislike for Mr. Clegg after bailing out on cutting tuition fees his wife did a good job, her hat reflected her Latino style without being too OTT and provided a modern take on the not so modern fascinator. 

(Miriam Gonzalez Duantez in Philip Treacy)

I also Thought Kate Middleton's mother, Carole, pulled off the mother of the bride look without looking too mumsey. Her hat was structured and gave a little lift off her head so that she wasn't totally swamped by it and we could actually see her face when she cried tears of joy.

(Carole in Jane Corbett hat.)

For the younger generation, Lady Kitty Spencer did the job. Her hat toned in well with her dress and because she is young it didn't seem too eccentric but also it was sophisticated enough for such an occasion.

(Kitty in Victoria Beckham dress.)

I know it was a cliche (I understand an accent is required above the 'e' but I can't work my keyboard) but I adored old Queenies outfit. Cute as a button in Easter colours and a glorious pork pie-Esq hat! Brilliant! She's not trying to fool anyone in a very traditional Lizzie outfit.

(aaah what a grand old lady you are. I also love the look of forced smiles that Queenie and Carole are giving Camilla!)

So the trick is, it appears, stick to something that reflects your age not too young or too old. If you think it's a bit 'out there' it probably is. This blog is probably useless anyway, when are us commoners ever going to go a royal wedding? Sigh.

Well to end on a cheery note, desperately trawling the Internet for photos I found some crackers of Princess Beatrice, so here is her hat wall of shame....

The Recycled Summer

The sun has got it's hat on hip hip hip hooray! Now I'm all for moaning about British weather (or anything for that matter)  but it's not easy to do when when I'm getting tan lines in April! Now there is the added 'bonus' of all that extra grooming that becomes necessary in this glorious weather, (before now my legs could easily be mistaken with those of the gruffalo and my toe nails wouldn't look out of place in world war 2's trenches), but other than that I was delighted for the change in weather and the change in wardrobe.


I went through the traditional ritual of persuading my long suffering father to drag my suitcase of summer clothes out of the garage, replace them with my winter clothes and drag it back again. Looking through the mounds of frills and spills it was like being greeted by old friends. I went for a Laura Lees Topshop number, a white, floral, dolly dress that I'd had for several years, but it was not quite the emotional reunion I'd hoped for. After getting 3 family members involved in trying to close the wretched zip I concluded that perhaps a new summer wardrobe was in order.


But where's a girl to start? I've worn the same summer clothes year after year, and I think I can say that for the most part of my friends. Because in summer trends don't change, you think about it if you look at summer dresses you have had for 3 years compared to ones you've had for a few weeks they will be incredibly similar in style. If we look at 2011's summer trends, maxi dresses, White, Tribal prints, it's all very been there done that (literally) got the t-shirt.


I felt cheated, how do designers. year after year, get away with just reproducing what they have done countless years before. I bet you any money they have sent the same collection down twice and we have not noticed because we're so bloody eager to get our legs out!

(Jil Sander- Top row s/s 2011, Bottom row s/s 2008)

So why do they do this to us? Do they enjoy the humiliation we suffer as we try to squeeze ourselves into our old summer wears only to have to use the kitchen scissors to cut yourself out again? (bad times.) Is it a question of logistics? Logically how adventurous can a designer be when the summer heat restricts them to so little fabric, and such a little range of fabric? 


Maybe they're doing us a favour making us more eco friendly because we re-wear our clothes?


Or maybe it's an economic solution? we don't have to buy a new wardrobe every year. (Though this isn't always a good thing especially if you're a student and you now require an excuse to shop!)


Well whatever it is my piece of advice for this blog is, if you bought it 3 years ago, and it says size 'S' and you are now a size 'M/L' it's probably not going to fit. Save yourself the heart break and visit Topshop?

How soon is too soon?

Love is well and truly in the air. Well far more serious than that, marriage is in the air. (Not for single ol' me of course so hold the champagne.) We have the royal wedding looming with Kate Middleton flouncing her fiance and fabulous ring around (bitch), and almost every publication I pick up is bursting at the seems with wedding related specials, Vogue ran a royal wedding special this month and OK displayed a 'best of' OK weddings.


 As I flicked through the pages of designer gowns and hideously expensive rings and oohed and ahhhhed I couldn't help but wonder how soon is too soon to plan ahead?


Now being 19, single, and hugely sceptical about romance I wouldn't usually be dreaming of planning ahead. However my mother recently announced that she has set up a wedding fund set up for me, so without me even being aware my wedding is already planning itself, I mean I have a wedding budget but no groom to go with it?! Surely this is madness?!


She then, to put the pressure on me further, pointed out that by my age she had already been dating her future husband and my father for 6 months. So according to her in wedding time I am running behind! Yikes, I am beginning to feel like a man in the sense that marriage seems to be running up behind me and biting me on the bum and I'm just not ready for the commitment. I can barely commit to a mascara let alone one man, should I really be looking for a spouse? This prospect worries me as most boys my age enjoy my company purely because they enjoy winding me up (note the use of boys and not men!)

So if I did start planning this early on what exactly would I, or could I plan? Surely your taste changes over years? I love the idea of prince charming now but will I still by the time I'm 30? (It's something about those white gloves they wear, maybe I should marry a magician?) And more the point what about the dress? In the fashion world trends change in a heart beat, wedding dresses are meant to be timeless and all but if you look back at some of your relatives 80's wedding gown choices you would probably rather wear your gym gear than spend a day in a peach merrang, so marital trends can change.


So I have decided I have a few years left before I have start writing down every time I see napkin rings that tickle my fancy. I have also decided that planning a wedding whilst I am very much still single is slightly bordering on phyco and probably not the best way to go about attracting a man.


An so to end this blog on a completely contradictory note, here are some wedding dresses to oooh and aaaah at!

(Kate in Dior)

(Chanel haute couture-spring/summer 2010)

(Charlotte Dellal wearing Giambattista Valli)

(Jean Paul Gaultier- for the slightly less cookie cutter bride.)

(Both Ellie Saab)

Maxed out

For me, and many other students I'm sure, the title of this blog is very appropriate. I am currently feeling very maxed out out in many sectors of my life... Maxed out on my overdraft, maxed out on nights out (seriously if someone so much as mentions sainsburys basic vodka to me I might just be sick), stress levels hitting maxed out as the course work come down wears off and the stress of exams reels in. Even the fashion world has gravitated toward this maxi trend with the appearance of the maxi dress creeping slowly into the high street.


Now the maxi dress is possibly one of fashion's trickiest trends and I have to say I have a funny relationship with them. They haunt the fashion world every summer without fail and year after year we see the same triumphs and hideous fails as we, the fashion law abiding public, attempt to make one work in our wardrobe. But for some reason this year there has been some sort of added hype around the little devils.


We first saw maxi dresses truly emerge as a trend in 2007 when brands such as Dolce and Gabbana and Ralph Lauren introduced them as the new summer wear, and for years to come we saw a flutter of people attempt to wear them so why the sudden boom this year? 

(Carrie in one of Dolce's most famous maxi dresses)

Well it appears this year the high street are actually beginning to cater for their audience. There is actually a selection of maxi dresses to choose from! The problem with previous maxi dresses was that only the very select few (tall slim, the kind of girl we all hate) could wear them. But highstreet brands such as asos have made a whole range of dresses to suit all sizes and heights. The invention of the 'midi' dress (a just below the knee length version) has meant that even the shortest of ladies can hop on board the excess material trend!

(my favourite high street dress of the season)

Things to avoid when choosing your maxi/midi dress. I would steer clear of an empire line unless you have a wash board stomach, they make you look pregnant which is never a good look (especially if you are single 19-year old!) If you have large legs avoid a midi dress because they will home in on your calves! Also Reiss, I love, but not the best place for a maxi dress, unless of course you are Angelina Jolie holidaying in Cannes, they're a bit much for beach wear.

(the perfect midi dress revealing just the right amount of leg, available at asos)

Great places for

 maxi dresses this season: Asos

                                       Monsoon

                                        H&M

Places to avoid: M&S (hideous 70s kaftans)

                        Topshop (empire lines a go-go!)

CLOTHES ARE NOT LOVE! That sales assistant is not your friend!

So here I am, bored out of my mind hanging around what used to be flat 107. But the essence is slowly vanishing. The end of term has slowly creeped up on me and bitten me on the behind leaving me with a very nasty bruise and a sad little feeling at the pit of my stomach (like when you eat gone off mushrooms) except this time it ain’t no fungi causing me grief.

My little family of flat mates are slowly departing back to their corners of the globe (or the surrey/London area because where everyone seems to live!) And I am left feeling somewhat cheated. You come to uni are pushed into a flat of strangers that you don’t know, forced to not only make friends with them but form a reasonably special bond so that you can bare to live with them all year, then only to have them snatched away from you again after a mere 7 months! I feel like I should be provided with some kind of 12 steps program to deal with this kind of cold turkey!

Now unfortunately I am not Kerry Katona and ITV2 will not sponsor me to make a program about how I get over this tragedy, and then provide me with a new wardrobe, hair and complementary Botox, so I have to deal with this upset by myself. Now usually at times like this I would reach for a strawberry milkshake but my good friend and nail technician warned me that too much calcium is making my nails flake so that’s a no-no.  But then I always feel a certain desperation to hit the shops and spend an unsightly amount of money. But what is it about Reiss and Urban Outfitters and Topshop (drooling just thinking about them) that makes me feel so much better in a time of crisis.

I sat thinking about this for about 20 minutes, trying to picture scenarios of depressed lil’ me wandering through Topshop and the euphoria I get at the checkout counter. But I couldn’t. It appears that some kind of mist descends upon me and I just go on some kind of mad rampage.

 I think that the perfect shop sets up the perfect scenario for you. Every sales assistant makes you feel very wanted so that helps to lift you out of your depression. You also take about a million clothes into the changing rooms with you and each outfit has a certain hope and prospect about it. Every time you try on a new outfit each one promises you something exciting and a whole new scenario to go with it:

 ‘This one I could wear for a special occasion’, ‘this one I could wear on a date’

 and so on and so forth until it gets to the point where you don’t actually need to have a special occasion or a date coming up because if you have the outfit then it’s bound to happen. So new clothes= something to look forward to, and isn’t that the secret of a happy life?

(Mr. Benn knew how to have fun in the changing room)

On discovering all of this I felt extremely smug and clever and like I had somehow beat the system and I didn’t need clothes and shopping to make me happy! But then I realised that I was still moping around the flat watching very old re-runs of Catchphrase and I realised maybe not...